It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
