I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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