I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
