how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
