If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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