dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
