you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
