I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
