I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
