craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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