we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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