Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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