I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
