For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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