My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
