I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
