My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
