Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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