i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
