I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
