The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it hurts more in the daytime
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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