I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
