Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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