its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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