i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
