Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
