i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
