I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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