i permit you to call me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
