carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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