i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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