I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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