I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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