One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
