Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
