where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
