stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
