3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
