Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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