Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
