You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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