so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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