The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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