i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
