just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
