My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
