Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
