Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
