That's when you crack a 10am beer
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
