i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
sarcasm needs its own font
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
