True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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