Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
