I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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