if i died would you start the facebook group?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
