I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
