I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She announced her abortion via fbk
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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