if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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